Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
