No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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