It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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