Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
