Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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