summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
