If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
