So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
false alarm. still invincible.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
