I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
