walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
