Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
