Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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