I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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