ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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