I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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