I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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