so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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