Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pants are for mortals
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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