i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
