get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
