Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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