We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
