Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
