im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
