just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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