you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
