I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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