i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
