She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
