Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drunk is a universal language darling
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