Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
