I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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