Only a mothe r could love this liver
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
