we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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