so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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