I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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