listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
