Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
