I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
