That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
