you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
