My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize