i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize