I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's even glitter on my cock...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
