Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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