I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
