Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
