In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
