just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
