woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
