i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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