I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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