he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
