I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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