please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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