I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Two words: nipple clamps
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