It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
