i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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