I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She's JV to your varsity
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
