Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
