too bad you live with your parents still
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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