Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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